So the barrier to inquiry, the barrier to finding your own thread, can be a state posited by your own past experience. Your past experience might even be of the ultimate state, enlightenment—if there is such a thing. You then become prejudiced by your own enlightenment, which of course becomes an ideal to orient yourself toward. So your attitude is no longer completely open. And if this state is not your thread at the next moment, Being is not going to manifest in this way. Your aim of again attaining this state, regardless of how subtle that aim is, will become an obstacle to the free unfoldment of your soul, to the optimizing dynamism of your true being. You might not notice any gross self-manipulation, but the more subtle interventions, such as starting to think from the perspective of the state when the state is not present, can be easily overlooked. Suppose the state that you have reached is of empty and undifferentiated Being that has no particular quality. You might begin to inquire with the idea already in the back of your mind that this is what you are again going toward. But that is not fundamentally different from the ego attitude of trying to be one way or another. The danger here is that experiencing and liking a particular state might become an orienting factor for your consciousness. But what if the Absolute wants to manifest in you as something different the next moment? Maybe you cannot tolerate the Absolute in its undifferentiated qualityless condition, so the Absolute manifests itself to you in another way— in the quality of compassion, for example. You might start to feel warm and gentle in a very differentiated way. If your orientation is toward something undifferentiated and unspeakable, you are liable to misinterpret the compassion. You might not see it, and you might even push it away. Then you become disconnected from your own thread, which also means that your inquiry is not open ended.

One becomes slowly aware of a very subtle resistance in this personality aspect, against the presence of Being, which makes it feel separate from it. One becomes aware that the structure of this part, its very fabric, is pervaded by an extremely subtle posture of resistance; this resistance is part of its familiar sense of identity. To understand the difference between this subtle resistance and the usual resistances of ego defenses, one can visualize the usual resistance as a block of rubber. If you push against it, it pushes back, it resists you. In comparison to this thick block of rubber, the subtle resistance is like a very thin cloud of rubber. Whenever there is a strong feeling, one part of this cloud condenses and becomes a full-fledged resistance. However, at all times the thin cloud of rubber pervades, so to speak, the withdrawn personality segment. It is in such deep and subtle perception that one can perceive directly that an identification cannot be absolutely devoid of defense or resistance. There are many aspects of this experience, but we will focus on what happens next. As usual, when the resistance is seen and understood it begins to dissolve. This resistance is understood to be an attempt to avoid contact with Being, to stay separate from it, untouched by it. As this subtle resistance starts dissolving, one starts feeling oneself becoming absorbed in the undifferentiated Being. The experience of being absorbed by something bigger and unknown is quite definite and clear. There is no fear by now, because there is understanding, but sometimes there is some sadness, as if one is losing an old acquaintance. One feels one is being absorbed, as if one is a liquid being absorbed by a sponge. As the absorption proceeds one becomes less the personality and more the impersonal Being. 

One of several resolutions occurs at this point, depending on the particular issue. Sometimes the sector of the personality becomes transformed by the action of Essence into some essential aspect. This happens particularly with the identification systems that give one the sense of being separate from the rest of existence. Usually, an aspect of love acts on the boundary structure and transforms it into the Personal Essence. This generally happens only in the most advanced stages of inner realization, in which personality structures are speedily disappearing. At some juncture of this process one comes upon schizoid-like defenses, that seem to operate at the very core structures of the personality. These schizoid-like defenses, isolation and schizoid withdrawal, usually occur after one has seen through the major narcissistic and borderline-like defenses. Finally, and usually after the entry into the realm of undifferentiated Being, one comes upon an ego state of “purified” personality. This is usually a very subtle perception, and to be aware of it one needs to be in a profound state of stillness and attentiveness. One becomes aware of identifying with a kind of personal feeling, which feels very familiar and quite intimate to oneself. This is a state of experiencing one’s personal identity (an ego state) devoid of any defensiveness, which happens after the process of secondary autonomy has gone through its full course with regard to this ego structure. One feels intimate with oneself, soft and cozy. But the most important distinguishing quality of this feeling of self is the recognition that this is what one usually feels is oneself. It is the emotional tone that characterizes one’s personality. One feels, “This is me.” However, one is at the same time aware it is only a feeling, an emotional tone that goes along with some image. This is because one is also aware of the presence of undifferentiated Being, which feels like an impersonal presence without any recognizable characteristics. One is in fact going back and forth, identifying with one and then the other. 

Our discussion of psychic metabolism might lead one to assume that the process of inner realization consists of a development, rather than a discovery, and that the development is determined by the vagaries of one’s experiences, rather than by an immutable reality. This assumption has some truth to it; certainly, experience is a determining factor, for it is the nutrient specifically needed for essential realization, especially for the realization of the Personal Essence. Nevertheless, the Personal Essence is an essential aspect, meaning it is a Platonic form. This means that although it appears as if it is a development from something else, its realization is actually a matter of discovery. Many of the case reports we have presented illustrate this fact. The realization of the Personal Essence is the aspect of inner realization which can be particularly clearly seen as both development and discovery. For other aspects of Being, like love or will, the experience is more definitely a discovery. And for the nonpersonal aspects, such as Cosmic Consciousness, undifferentiated Being and the Absolute, it is certainly a discovery. However, seeing inner realization as either development or discovery is not a matter of objective truth; it depends on one’s frame of reference. It is also a question of how one comes upon this realization, and what methods or disciplines have led to it.

Before we discuss this connection, we must see that essence exists in many and various aspects, in pure and real forms. Each aspect is distinct from all other aspects, but it is still essence, it is still the same nature. For example, essence can manifest as love, but it can also manifest as compassion, and as will, peace, strength, consciousness, truth, contentment, knowledge, joy. The aspects of essence are differentiated, are distinct. Each is a pure form of itself. The aspect of truth is completely truth; it contains nothing that is not true. Each aspect is perfection itself. The realization of these “qualified” aspects of essence is very useful in moving toward the realm of unqualified, undifferentiated Being, the Supreme aspect or form. But these aspects of reality are not within the realm of the intellect or the emotions, and that is why, as we mentioned before, we must go deeper to find a solution for our dilemma. We will find that the solution is much more accessible and more beautiful than we expected. It is true that the personality as a whole acts as a barrier to essence as a whole. But this is the general picture. Although most teachings adhere to this picture, if we look more closely, with finer lenses, so to speak, we find that this is a blurred picture of a more complex reality. We find that each of the essential aspects—such as will, love, truth, compassion—is related to a certain part of the personality, to a definite sector. We will also find that each aspect of essence is not only related to a certain sector of the personality, but also that that sector functions as a specific barrier against the particular aspect of essence in question. So, a certain sector of the personality which consists of specific beliefs, habits and conflicts will act as a barrier against emptiness, for instance. A different sector will act as a barrier against cosmic consciousness, and so on.