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Extension Object Relation

Glossary of Spiritual Wisdom

Excerpts about Extension Object Relation

A Form of Merged Transference

Like other narcissistic projections, the extension objection relation is a form of merged transference in which, although we are not the same thing, you are part of me, or I am part of you. We are slightly differentiated, but not completely separate. This becomes apparent if you are used to being the central figure in this object relation, and your extension doesn’t do things the way you want them done. You might feel very hurt and unsupported, as though part of your body hadn’t responded the way you wanted it to. This sense of hurt is what is called narcissistic wounding, meaning that one’s sense of self feels assaulted in some way. The issue of the extension object relation makes it very difficult to experience and integrate the Holy Idea of Transparency. Because of it, one either resists the experience or becomes attached to being an extension in a way that continues to support the personality. Holy Transparency means experiencing things without your personal mind. Then, as an individual, you are an extension of the universe, an extension of the Holy Truth—and not as a mental construct, not with an image in your mind that you are an extension of the universe. It is only as part of the extension object relation that one has an image of oneself as one side or the other of a merged relationship.

Facets of Unity, pg. 111

Losing this Object Relation Feels Like a Loss of Support

You can be identified with either side of this object relation, which is called the extension object relation, either as the extension of someone else, or as the central person with one or more extensions of your own. In either case, you are experiencing yourself as a mental construct in relation to a construct of someone else. This object relation is a narcissistic one (i.e., having to do with one’s identity), so losing it feels like a loss of support. This is because, regardless of which end of the object relation you are identified with, the identification supports the ego identity. You might feel as if you are losing yourself by experiencing yourself as an extension of the universe, since the boundaries that you have taken to define yourself fall away in that experience. Or if you have been identified as an extension, you might feel that you are losing yourself by experiencing yourself as central and yet interconnected. Like other narcissistic projections, the extension objection relation is a form of merged transference in which, although we are not the same thing, you are part of me, or I am part of you. We are slightly differentiated, but not completely separate. This becomes apparent if you are used to being the central figure in this object relation, and your extension doesn’t do things the way you want them done. You might feel very hurt and unsupported, as though part of your body hadn’t responded the way you wanted it to. This sense of hurt is what is called narcissistic wounding, meaning that one’s sense of self feels assaulted in some way.

Facets of Unity, pg. 110

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