Creation of False Essence
But there is an even more difficult complication, which is that one way to fill the hole is to make a false value, to pretend to yourself that you have value when you don’t feel you really do, because to feel the absence of value, its lack, is too painful. So most people tend to create false Essence to cover up their feeling of lack. What the personality consists of is false qualities of Essence. We call the personality the “false pearl”. Each person retains the memory of what was lost and will try to imitate it, will try to act, believe and feel in ways that are so close to the essential states that after a while the person fools himself, and other people as well.
Diamond Heart Book One, pg. 127
Outcome of Living According to the Ego Ideal
What we call false pearl, or the personality, is a result of living or trying to live according to the ego ideal. The false pearl is an overall description whereas the ego ideal can be seen inside you. It is a certain structure that you can actually see floating around. The ego ideal is what I called the "dot." It is in juxtaposition to the true self -- what I call the "point." When you see your ego ideal on the level of subtle perception, you see a dark dot; and when you open it, you feel that you are an idea. You realize very distinctly that your ego ideal is really just an idea in your mind.
Diamond Heart Book Three, pg. 65
The False Pearl Developed According to the Ego Ideal
Very good—the relationship between the self and the personal essence, or what we call the “point” and the “pearl.” The false pearl is the personality which has developed according to the ego ideal. The personal essence, the personal beingness, on the other hand, which we call the Pearl Beyond Price, develops by living according to your essential self. This essential development can take place only when you are not separate from yourself. When you are who you are, when you are just precisely yourself, you are your “point.” Just that. This has nothing to do with any qualities, functions, capacities, and skills you may have. It has nothing to do with your status in the world, and nothing to do with living this life in a body or not in a body. It is your nature. The Pearl Beyond Price is the connection between this genuine center and all the capacities, skills, and understanding that are a part of your growth as a human being. It allows your capacities, functions and accomplishments to develop in a genuine way as an outgrowth of your spontaneous unfoldment. It is the result of living in the moment, living in a way that is true to who you are. This is your genuine personal life, your own development, your own growth. The pearl is the actualized individuation of your Soul. So the personal essence is connected with your unique function, your unique work in this life. To actualize your particular unique work in this life means to be your personal essence. It is the essence of all that you have developed and integrated in your soul as you live a real life.
Diamond Heart Book Three, pg. 66
The Familiar Sense of the False Pearl
Individuality. This is the sense of being a separate individual. In this most general layer of ego boundaries, one feels one’s boundaries as a soft and smooth surface, with a kind of dullness of sensation. This dull sensation feels like a thickness around oneself, but feels warm, comforting and familiar. One recognizes it as the familiar sense of himself. This familiar sense usually reminds one of his early life, for it reflects the basic emotional tone of his childhood home. The individuality is composed of ego identifications which have the function of giving it not only its separateness, but its sense of identity as well. There is a recognition of one’s person in it. It reflects one’s personal history, and feels very familiar. It is actually the sense of being the individual that one has been aware of for most of one’s life. It is, in a sense, an imitation of the Personal Essence; for this reason we sometimes refer to this state as the false pearl. This false pearl is actually what one is ultimately afraid of losing; it is what dissolves when one makes the transition to the formless dimensions of Being. It is a universal phenomenon; in a sense it is inherited or transmitted throughout the ages, from one generation to another in human history. It is the most universal and the deepest human conditioning. It is the condition of the overwhelming majority of humankind, ignorantly taken to be the real human element, when it is only an imitation or at best an incomplete development.
Pearl Beyond Price, pg. 402
We Call the Personality the “False Pearl”
There is another reason why when we start perceiving our essence, we start seeing it in other places where it doesn’t exist and tend to idealize and admire situations or people who don’t have what we believe they have. The reason is that when our essence is lost in childhood, when our parents didn’t see our value, didn’t value us for just being there, our own value was lost. The essential aspect of pure, absolute value is gone. A deficiency results, leaving a hole in the place of that loss. When an essential state is cut off, the result is what we call a hole, a deficiency, a lack. We attempt to fill that hole by trying to get value from the outside, instead of seeing that the value was ours to start with and that we were just cut off from it. But there is an even more difficult complication, which is that one way to fill the hole is to make a false value, to pretend you have value when you don’t feel that you really do. It’s too painful to feel the absence of value, so most people create false essence to cover up that feeling of lack. This is what the personality consists of—false qualities of Essence. We call the personality the “false pearl.” Each person retains the memory of what was lost and will try to imitate it, try to act, believe, and feel in ways that are so close to the essential states that after a while the person fools herself and other people as well. Some people do this more than others, and some people are better at it than others. The personality is really nothing but an impostor trying to take the place of Essence. These false qualities of Essence—what we call the crystallization of personality—are what we see in most of the people around us who are considered successful. Everyone else believes they’ve got it made. They appear to have genuine qualities of confidence, compassion, self-assurance, and self-esteem but, for the most part, these are false qualities. Just as these people have convinced themselves that these false qualities are real, they convince almost everyone else as well.