Engaging Fundamental Support
If you are curious about the truth, you follow where your experience leads. You have no legs, no will, you feel castrated, you can't really move. You notice that some armor around your pelvis and legs that used to support your sense of identity is softening. As your investigation into who you are changes that sense of identity, the old support is no longer adequate. If you stay there without resisting and gently, compassionately, and lovingly investigate what’s happening, your strength and courage are engaged. After a while you realize a certain aspect emerges. You see a shift to a more fundamental sense of support. Suddenly your legs are solid, like mountains. Nothing can stop them. One of the ways the aspect of will manifests is as a solidity, an immensity or support for the process of being. It’s true that your kidney meridian affects your legs. But to correct the kidney meridian is a temporary measure. The will aspect of being is what allows you to move solidly from an essential level. When true support is absent, in time not only will the kidney meridian but all kinds of meridians will go. This is not to say that there is no use for the chiropractor or the acupuncturist. They have their area of usefulness, but there are other areas where you personally are responsible. Your inner practice is what develops will, strength, joy, compassion, and openness of mind.
Diamond Heart Book Five, pg. 212
The State of Ego Inadequacy
Ego, however, has a kind of energy available for its functioning that becomes more available due to the state of inadequacy. When one looks deeply into the personality, before ego inadequacy is revealed consciously, one finds the state blocked in a specific way. Our experience is that many people complain of kidney tension and pain when they are dealing with this issue. Its blockage is always connected with physical contractions at the adrenal glands, especially the one over the left kidney. If one looks closely, one will perceive a very small hole in that area, with strong defenses against it. This is the state of inadequacy as it is seen in the unconscious and reflected in the body. This contraction at the adrenal glands, which is usually subtle and not available to normal consciousness, seems to affect them in a way that makes them generate more adrenalin, which creates an excess of a particular energy that feels active, speedy, unsettled, agitated and excited. This is the primary energy that ego uses, which is clear in states of fear, agitation, anger and worry. One then cannot sit down, cannot be calm, cannot settle, physically or mentally……….. When the blockage against the inadequacy dissolves, and one feels the state itself, the hole at the left kidney expands and is felt to be centered at the solar plexus. The solar plexus is the location for the emergence and operation of the Will aspect, and so with a hole there the feeling is of the absence of support, confidence and solidity of the Will. This shows the importance of the Will for the resolution of the inadequacy. We have already discussed how any ego activity leads to blocking the Will. We will now turn to the discussion of how ego inadequacy is resolved.