Resistance Against the Absolute Depth of Being
However, because of the characteristics of the true self approaching conscious experience, this profound spaciousness is not differentiated from the related true self. The inner spaciousness turns out to be not only an emptiness, but at the same time a facet of this depth of Being, inseparable from it, actually nondual with it. More precisely, the inner black spaciousness at this level of self-realization is coemergent with the level of Being realized. Holding on to the belief that the separate self possesses anything, even existence, is a resistance against this absolute depth of Being; this resistance makes this depth appear to the self as a deficient emptiness characterized by impoverishment. Surrendering all positions and concepts of self, the student discovers the absolute depth of her nature. The transition is very subtle; it is a matter of asserting self or not. But the difference is profound: It is the difference between being an impoverished self lost in the universe or being the inexhaustible vast depth of Being. Or as a Buddhist might see it, it is the difference between samsara and nirvana. We can see this transition to lie at the root of narcissism: In one direction lies fundamental narcissism and in the other lies self-realization. Self-assertion results in samsara and selflessness leads to nirvana.
The Point of Existence, pg. 419
The Cycle of Rejection, Hope and Desire
When the personality is analyzed in its minutiae you will see the cycle of action and reaction. Originally, there is the reality of what is there and then there is saying no to that reality. Then there is hope for another reality. Then there is desire for that other reality. Right? There is a rejection of now, a hope for something else in the future, and then the desire for it. The cycle of rejection, hope and desire altogether leads to an activity, to trying to achieve what is desired. Any hope, desire, activity, or reactivity necessitate more than anything else rejection of the now. If the now is completely accepted there will not be a hope, there will not be a desire, there will not be a movement away from or toward any movement at all. There will be stillness, complete stillness.
Diamond Heart Book Three, pg. 177
The Wheel of Samsara
So how can you really surrender? How can you truly disidentify? Since the core of frustration is attachment, contraction, and dissatisfaction, you cannot do something which could be called disidentification. The personality can only perpetuate itself. The moment you try to do something, you’re turning a wheel of action and reaction which is what we call the wheel of samsara. Perhaps to you surrender means that you will engage in an activity. But the activity of the personality is a rejection, which is ultimately hope and desire, leading to frustration. How can that be surrender? Surrender can only be awareness of activity. When you are aware of that activity, you’re not interested in engaging in it. If you can feel the core of frustration directly and understand what it is, you are not engaged in it even though you might be feeling it. And the more you see it, the more it becomes ego-alien. If you see the activity and don’t go along with it, then the essential state which you’ve been resisting will arise, and melt away the contraction and reactivity. What arises is a kind of acceptance and love, which flows and melts you away. It never was you, that contraction, even though you believed it was. You become melted, but it is not something you can will from within because the will of the personality is contraction.