We interviewed Diamond Approach teacher Conny Ten Klooster about her journey with the Diamond Approach as well as a Dutch workshop on grief and loss that she is co-leading.
How did you first find the Diamond Approach?
When I was 28, I lost our second son during pregnancy; and at the same time, I fell into what I experienced as a field of love and goodness. And I had a big insight, a felt sense, that the force of spirituality and of sexual energy, which had been two major forces for me, were two sides of the same coin. When I began searching, I found a tantra course, and through that course I heard about the Diamond Approach. It gave answers and helped me understand the opening I had into a space of love like I had never known.
After the course, I read Pearl Beyond Price. The very first chapter, which tells of the Man of the World and the Man of Spirit, and that we could live spiritually in the world – that was a powerful pull. It was an entry point and a big YES for me, to live spiritually in this body, in this world.
When you were starting out, what were some of the challenges that came up for you?
The most difficult thing for me was facing my hatred. I could feel it, as young as I was. I had had a religious leaning and wanted to be a good human being, and feeling my hatred was a challenge, and caused self-hatred; studying the black Latifa showed me I can have it, I can embrace my hatred, by not judging it and working with it. It helped me come into my power, again and again. But it is a process, and in the first years it was really a challenge.
What has kept you engaged with the Diamond Approach teaching over the years?
The Diamond Approach showed me to be with my own truth. Nobody tells me, top down, what the truth is that I need to follow; following my own truth – which was not so easy in my history – is supported. Also, I love inquiry [the central practice in the Diamond Approach]. I had done it my whole life, already, as a young girl, asking questions like: Who am I, really? What are humans?
Ten years ago, my commitment reached a completely new level when our eldest son died from suicide at the age of 27, which was totally unexpected; we had had a good relationship with him, and this had the biggest impact in my life. It tore me apart. At the same time, presence took me: it was like a miracle that I could stay present in the fears, in the tears; a wonder that I could still breath, live, while at the same time something in me wanted to die with him. The Diamond Approach, and the teacher training I had been doing for four years at that time, somehow had created a space where my husband and I could digest this in our life and stay truly alive. Every fourteen days I had a session with my teacher, and it was so helpful in allowing the despair, the deep love, the hatred, the joy, the body pain, the light—everything could be there, and it opened up into a kind of richness. It still does. I am just very grateful for the work. The workshop series brings this more into the field: that death and grief can be an opening.
Tell us a little bit about the workshop you are co-leading.
Odile van Eck and I are offering five evenings, three hours long, between September and December. The English title is “Living with Death: Grief as an opening to essence.” The workshop will be in Dutch though.
I have worked extensively with the theme of death and grief in my other job, as a therapist and workshop leader. I have seen over and again how people can benefit from this. Everybody meets death, or loss. And so, death and grief are a reality, part of every life, external and internal. Few things in life can be so painful and bring up such strong emotions. Touching our survival drive, it’s a formidable trigger of our ego, and it can harden the ego shell. But there’s a dance between the same loss shutting us down into pain or opening our heart into the depth of our soul. Both Odile and I have experienced our loss also as an opportunity. In the workshop, we will explore our personal histories and inquire into the challenges to identifications, where self-images fall apart. How to be with the cracks? With the issues of loss, fear, and guilt that can come up? And the opportunity it brings to digest the ego more and more, to fall into Being more and more. In the last meeting we will connect to death as part of the spiritual journey, of the mystery.
How do you see the Diamond Approach helping humanity and the planet?
The work helps us break through the polarization in us, knowing and taking responsibility for our own reactivity and violence, and our own hatred. Also, it helps us see that everyone has these things. We come from the same source, and that can make us humble.
What advice would you share with someone who is thinking of attending an introductory event with the Diamond Approach?
I find it difficult to give advice—just feel and sense if you are inspired by this, if this is what opens your heart. Also, I’d say it requires you to see your issues as a possibility for diving deeper, and not actually being in the way of spiritual experience. Many people come into the work with an opening, but then it is hard to work with all these psychological structures and issues—so it is good to see that the difficult things in life are really openings and to look them in the face.
Read more about the Dutch workshop on grief Conny is co-leading, starting next week.